12/18/2018 7 Comments Finding Joy Through the painThe little ornaments they made are still so perfect. All these years later, their tiny glued-on faces and pipe-cleaner reindeer antlers are still in place. Well, for the most part. One by one, I unboxed those decorations and hung them on the tree, reliving 23 years of memories all at once. It’s a strange rush of emotions… painful because two of my sweet boys who made those ornaments for me are gone forever; joyful because I had the privilege of so many happy Christmases with them. Then the stockings. I hate this part. Do I take out and hang all four? Or just two? What’s the right thing to do? Does it even matter? This is our fourth Christmas without Nick and Jack and I still don’t know what to do with the stockings. Oh, and Christmas cards. I love receiving them. I find so much joy in seeing how our dear friends’ families are growing and succeeding and changing the world. But since our boys passed, I haven’t sent any Christmas cards from our family. I just can’t do it. This is the so-called ‘most wonderful time of the year.’ I see it on my Instagram and Facebook feeds and in overflowing shopping bags at the mall. But while everyone else is looking forward to family gatherings and putting the perfect gifts under the tree, I am aware of the two faces missing from my family pictures, Christmas gifts I won’t be buying and the two empty seats at our table. There’s not a day I don’t think about losing Nick and Jack. My heart and soul changed forever the day they died, as did my reality of a “happy” life. The new reality is a heartache that will always play a prominent role in who I am because it’s now woven into the fiber of my being and it will stay there – even during the happiest of times. But here’s the thing. Life is not all darkness and devastation, nor is it all sunshine and roses. I’ve learned it’s a balancing act. And at times, that balance is exhausting. Yes – this will probably always be a difficult time of year for me. I’m not asking you to understand or to try and relate, but here’s what I want you to know. As time goes on, I’m getting better at not wallowing in the sadness. I have accepted the fact that this is simply my normal. I’m also able to find periods of clarity when I can reflect and be truly thankful for all the blessings in my life – there are many. It’s a mindset and a choice. We can choose to focus on all we’ve lost and everything we don’t have, or we can focus on what’s in front of us today and the moments we’re blessed to share with the people we love. It’s a conscious effort we make every single day. I truly feel that, in some ways, our loss opened doors to blessings my family may not have otherwise received. And by refocusing our outlook, we’ve realized those blessings. For example, I am so thankful for the opportunity to share our story with the hope of rewriting someone else's story - saving lives in the process. I’m thankful for each new friendship that has been nurtured out of darkness, because our lights shine brighter together than they ever could alone. I’m grateful for realizing my purpose. Had I not suffered this loss, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to visit schools across the country and meet the people I’ve met and speak to over 90,000 kids in more than a dozen states. Each person I have met along the way… has been a blessing in one way or another. Then there’s the invitation I recently received to be part of the Survivor Advocate Network with the National Safety Council. Get this: pairing our story with their connections could potentially reach hundreds of thousands of people across the country. That’s a chance for Nick and Jack's story to save more lives! I share all of this because I know I’m not the only one coping with a loss during what is supposed to be such a happy time of year. I know there are others out there like me because they send me messages on Facebook and via email. Their hearts are also aching. They too don’t know what to do with their loved ones’ stockings. They also can’t bring themselves to send Christmas cards. Just like mine, their families will never fully be the same. We’re different now… trying to navigate our new normal. For us, that means creating new traditions. We’re finding new ways to celebrate the holidays, discovering new traditions where joy is present. This Thanksgiving, for example, I slowed way down and spent the entire weekend with my boys. I didn’t go into the office, didn’t check emails and existed in the moment. I enjoyed those moments more than I ever did before and it felt so good. My boys are a true blessing in my life and I do not take that for granted. If you’re struggling with a loss of your own this holiday season – death, job loss, divorce or something else – I want you to find hope in knowing joy can exist hand-in-hand with pain in this chapter of your life. I encourage you to appreciate every second you have with the people you love most. Find the beauty in those relationships. And if you’re still struggling to see the good, look harder. Find it. The pain is real and raw. But joy is waiting for you on the other side… Merry Christmas, Becky
7 Comments
Susan Lies
12/18/2018 07:39:21 pm
Thank you Becky for your wonderful inspiration... there are so many of us that don’t know what to do with the stockings and can’t write a Christmas card... the loss of Tim is still to fresh. Remembering the memories of 45 years together is joyful and being able to rise up to encourage others is my new mission. You have set the example for those of us who have suffered unimaginable loss... thank you my friend ♥️
Reply
Erica Ellenwood
12/18/2018 08:21:26 pm
Love you, Becky! Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and your family. I have based my Community Health Nursing Project for my BSN on substance abuse in honor of your boys. Working in the ER, I share your story often with patients, families and providers I come in contact with daily. Sending continued prayers and well wishes for peace and comfort this holiday season.
Reply
Lee
12/19/2018 04:52:59 am
Becky,I also lost my 4 year old grandson before Christmas,and this year my husband of 56 years!!Its tough to not every day think of them!!Beautiful little boy and best husband ,father and grand father ever!!I will have them in my heart always,and keep all the wonderful memories and speak of them often,as my husband said to me,think of me often but not for long!!My prayers this and every christmas for all the people who lost their loved ones far too soon!!
Reply
Kathleen Thallemer
12/19/2018 05:46:32 am
Your an inspiration to many. Peace to you & your family during the Holiday Season.
Reply
Amy
12/19/2018 10:25:34 am
I lost my best friend -adult daughter - age 37 about six years ago. It was cancer, but it doesn’t really matter how they left your life...it is a forever void. My outlook is much like yours. You can swim in the darkness, or try to see the brightness that still shines. Some days are just harder than others. Holidays do drag you down with the “would have beens”, but you just have to keep on keeping on. I admire how you have kept their memory alive with your determination to educate others on your unfortunate experience.
Reply
Michelle Thomas
12/23/2018 08:05:01 am
Thank you for sharing your story. The holidays are hard for many that have lost loved ones, me included. After 22 years of marriage and together for over 27 years with two wonderful children that are now 17 and 21 and still live with me as both are full time students. But the holidays are not the same anymore over the last 3 years when my husband / their father decided he no longer was in love with me and no longer wanted the family unit we build together. A man I spent more than half my life with and trusted 110% and saw us growing old together. A man I supported as he had a permanent back injury through 4 years in court for benefits, I at times worked two jobs while taking care of two small children just to keep our house. When he could no longer work I supported us fully. We have been through alot of rough times together and we had a saying in our family that we will be ok as long as were all together. Untill the day he walked out of our marriage and family and moved out of the house. To find out what I had suspected, he was having an affair with a bartender at a bar he started to frequent. He cared more about going to the bar and drinking and god knows what else than spend it with me or his children. Its hard to adjust to that person no longer being a consistent presence around me or the house and the feeling of utter betrayal, the lying and being treated as I was the worst person alive. The one person I thought would never hurt me ended up hurting me more than I could ever imagine. I not longer knew the man I loved. I'm still trying to adjust, our children do go to their grandparents (my ex in laws) half of the holiday day with their dad, but the holidays are so different now and im still having trouble adjusting to what used to be my most favorite time of the year to a time of year I now dread. This year is the worst as things are extremely tight and I can't afford to give my children any Christmas gift this year. I'm so thankful for the supportive, loving and caring children I raised as their comment to no gifts this year from mom was that's ok mom we don't need anything we can just play games. It was enough to put me in a pile of tears. I still feel like a terrible mother when I see all the commercials on TV about buying this and that for Christmas but yet this is another year that things aren't the same as 3 years ago. There will be no presents under the tree Christmas morning this morning. I couldn't even force myself to set up our regular tree and ornaments. Instead deciding on using a small lit tree my mom gave me. The one good thing that has happened to me and a blessing in a way is finding out over the last 3 years who I really am again. And learning how to live as a single mom. I have discovered more about myself, what I need, what I like and what I want to do with the rest of my life as my kids will be moving on with their own lives soon and I'll be alone, something I never planned happening. I am no longer in love with my ex husband but I do harbor alot of anger and hurt towards him that I'm trying to come to terms with. The saddest part is how he never spends anytime with his children and the relationship they used to have with their father no longer exists. He now lives with the bartender he was having an affair with. It really doesn't matter what your going through as everyone's is different but I understand the holidays are not same and are difficult to get through. You said the best advice I have heard in a long while... Enjoy the moment your in. I got thinking how I can do that and I'm trying my best to live by that advice since both my children will be leaving home within the next year, one to college and one to start his life with his college degree and long time girlfriend. But I plan to enjoy the moment I'm in with them this year as it may be the last year I have them both at home with me, so thank you for that advice and for sharing your story, I can't even imagine your pain. You are a strong wonderful woman. And I know your story will help many out there that may be going though the same pain as you or me or something else entirely. Live and enjoy the moment your in... No better advice... Thank you and know you are helping people through your story and pain. Its help me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart 💗 take care.... 💜
Reply
1/25/2020 05:52:56 am
This is really <a href="https://www.tecteem.com/toxicwap-site/">encouraging</a>. I find it thoughtful and true. Thank for sharing it with us.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
authorBecky Savage’s two teenage sons – Nick and Jack – accidentally overdosed on a deadly cocktail of alcohol and prescription drugs on the same night in June 2015. Becky and her husband Mike turned their unimaginable grief into a powerful message: educating students, parents, lawmakers and anyone else who will listen about the dangers of prescription drugs. The couple created 525 Foundation (the boys’ hockey numbers were 5 and 25) with a goal of preventing another family from experiencing the pain the Savage family still struggles with every day. To date, Becky has bravely shared her story with more than 60,000 high school students from Indiana to Texas to Oregon and presented at conferences across the country. She’s spoken to members of a United States Senate opioid crisis committee, serves as an ambassador for the Walgreens #ItEndsWithUs campaign and participated in countless interviews for podcasts and news media.
Archives
November 2020
Categories |
525 Foundation, Inc.
1400 East Angela Blvd. #146
South Bend, IN 46617
1400 East Angela Blvd. #146
South Bend, IN 46617
©525 Foundation, INC, 2016
The content on this website is protected. The use of photos, logos or any other content is NOT authorized without written permission.
The content on this website is protected. The use of photos, logos or any other content is NOT authorized without written permission.